I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize