dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
