Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
