i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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