Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
