why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
