There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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