The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
