My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
