he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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