I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize