pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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