Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
