did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
