I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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