just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize