Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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