don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
