I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
