do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
