u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
