Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
