He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just forgot I was standing up.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize