That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
