I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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