Small penises have feelings too.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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