I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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