Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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