Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
