Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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