tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
