i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
