Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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