he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
