Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
