remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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