he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
