Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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