I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
