I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
