Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
