I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
