Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
