We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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