is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
