smell my finger.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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