I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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