We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
