i need an iv and a liver transplant
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
