I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
