Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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