I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
