Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he shaved USA in his pubs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
