One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
