you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
be right there i have to get my cape
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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