WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
