Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
