Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
