Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Be still, my beating vagina.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
