You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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