and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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