I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
