Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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