Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
