btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
