i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
