white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
