I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
