You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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